Monday, September 10, 2007

"If I had a heart of gold, you'd hack at it with a pick axe."

Well lookey here. Less than an hour after last times post, I'm already making another one.

I've decided, this will be a slightly secret, place for me to say things that.... yeah, I'd might not be comfortible saying on LJ. Well, with friends only posts, and filtering, I could really be really selective there, but I figure that's a bit much sometimes. It feels (and is) that I'm specifically excluding exact people from reading what I write, rather than general groups. I figure, if you stumble across here, then you're likely qualified to hear what I have to say.

I feel these days, I have no one really to talk to. Before we deem that comment the BS comment of the year, let me explain, that while yes, I have friends that would likely listen to almost anything I have to talk about, I have this sorta sense of what I think annoys them or not.

It just ends up that there are topics that almost no one really wants to hear about. I bet they would hear about them, but they wouldn't be particularly happy to hear about them. In other words, it'd annoy them.

I end up just second guessing all my friends at what annoys them to hear about, and what doesn't. I have things I could talk about for near forever, and I don't think any of my friends deserve that kind of torture to have to hear me talk about like that. So really, suddenly, the things I really really want to talk about and get off my chest, I have no one I feel comfortable talking to about.

Patience is a limited resource. I don't intend to abuse it on any of my friends. Even at the expense of how I feel, I'd rather go mad than abuse my friend's good will.

Regurgitating something I said on LJ, I've reached a point where I'm too afraid to open up to anyone anymore. It's painful to do so one way or another, and some of the times that I have done it, the betrayal of trust that followed hurt way... way... too much.

Though... I guess this is an invitation.

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